Hi Pianowoman

oh trust me, I have been praying a lot. I rarely ever ask for anything on my behalf. My prayers are almost always for other people…I say almost always because I do occassionally ask for help for my family or myself. I have asked Him for strength, to make it go away, for answers…everything short of a miracle. Not sure how He feels about begging, but it has come to that. I wish I could scream from a mountain and have someone reach out and say “I can help make it better, here is the miracle you are seeking”. That is so silly, feels selfish when there are others worse off than I am. It also feels awkward because I am not someone any more special than the next person so what makes me think I deserve that miracle more than you or someone else. I want to share it, make everyone here and elsewhere better. How do I do that? How can I beg and plead for my own help and not want to help others? I feel so lost.

Thank you for all the support. I am in pain today….feels like something is hitting a chisel against my bare ankle bone, my right knee is having shooting pains, some of my toes feel like something is stabbing deep into the joints…anyone else experience joint pain?? and I feel weak, to the point where I have to watch my feet to make sure they are really going where I think they are. I just want to cry and never stop. Honestly feel there is no where to turn and no one that wants to hear about it anymore. I havent heard from the hospital about any other test results for myself…still not sure about any of the blood work they did. On a better note, physically I am feeling a bit better than before if that is possible considering the wierd pains, but at least I can feel something different.

hi all

spent two nights in the hospital…went in because I started having a panic attack over the whole thing and the affect on my breathing scared the tar out of me. Then i calmed down and wasnt going to go…knowing I had to go at some point anyhow.

Well I was admitted . My CTscan was perfect. The ordered an MRI which was also perfect….the neurologist was very concerned about MS…the spinal tap was negative for protein, so no GBS he said. All my bloodwork from what I know was all fine as well. my heart scan, carotid artery scan…everything normal and healthy. I am still weak and still tingling…not quite as buzzy, and the wierd pains are at a minimum (had burning poker sensations in my feet, heels and ankles. Piercing ice pick sensations in my heels, tearing sensations from my achilles tendons along the sides of my feet, hot coal sensations on my toes, and what felt like muscle cramps but werent in my feet and legs and arms. When I would try to sleep my whole body jerked and spasmed, like when you fall into a deep sleep and ya jump or jerk, but this was my arms, legs, feet even my back and stomach.) Oh and did I mention it often felt like something was stabbing my ankle bones?? The physical therapist wanted to eval me and made me walk. GAWD I felt like a doofus. I knew my legs were moving but I had to watch my feet to make sure they were going where I wanted them to. She told me not to do that. If was a little difficult to walk a straight line thats for sure, I would have failed a sobriety test for sure. Climb steps?!?! Are you nuts?! I did it, slowly. Stand on my tip toes? nope. my muscles felt weak and it didnt feel like they would cooperate anyhow even tho I wanted them to. In bed I was even afraid at times to even attempt to move my feet or legs because I didnt think they would respond. How wierd is that?! The did move, I jsut didnt think they would even though Iwanted them too. Hard to explain I guess.

I can feel. touch me. poke me (they did). I can feel it. It felt a little delayed but I felt it anyhow. It is more of an inside feeling. Sometimes the “numbness” feels tight as if my lower legs and feet are really swollen. Even my knees felt like they were on backwards. My hands are weak, not sure I could squeeze a stress ball if my life depended on it. I keep having small muscle spasms in my legs and when I walk my balance is a bit off. Guess that is due to the weakness….feels as if I have totally over exerted myself like working out way beyond my ability.

The good news is…I am feeling a bit better. More weak than anything. Very tired. exhausted really. The tingling stopped right about my knees and below my elbows and was mainly in my pinkie fingers and palm near my wrists. My head still feels empty, like i am getting over a bad flu bug or a long sleep deprivation (or too much sleep). So, the dr told me to find a good dr and some anxiety help. o.0 So now what? Oh and in the hospital I kept sweating…buckets and buckets, like when a fever breaks. WHICH IS WHEN I STARTED FEELING LESS PAIN AND LESS BUZZING!!!! I dont know. now what? is it all in my head? Am I truly nuts? Let me tell you that really hit me hard, I am now feeling the beginnings of a depression that wont be any fun.

My sister called me while i was still in there and mentioned that awhile back she too experienced the same damn thing! Our symptoms were not completely identical but similar and the same in a lot of ways. All her tests were also negative. she still experiences periods of tingling and numbness and pain, but blows it off since the tests were all negative. She calls us the psycho twins. Nice huh? I dont like that. I did mention her episode to the dr but he was not in the least concerned or impressed. Apparently thinking we were just a family of fruitcakes.

*sigh* I am off to have an emotional moment. thank you for your support. And your encouragement to see someone.

Lori