Wishing all a Happy 4th of July !

Cool graphics dustdemon. i mean with a 90 acre farm, I see u driving a tractor.:D not showing off on a pc
lets see i graduated in 76, and it was like the countrys 200 year old then, is that right? *wishes he handn’t done so many drugs* so if that is right, let me see. ought and ought is ought.. add something.. how old is it somebody?
230. is that right?

Happy 4th!!!!

Dear Friends:

I hope while you are celebrating the Fourth of July, I hope you spend just a few seconds to reflect on the true importance of Independence Day. To me the most important thing about Independence Day is to win the neighborhood death and dismemberment pool. This year, my money is on my stupid neighbor, Paul. A bit of history, three years ago Paul began his hobby of making homemade fireworks. His theory is that most fireworks are a waste of time and money because they are just too damn small. So he built a bomb which he ignited in the middle of the street and blew out windows in three of our neighbor’s houses. He promptly paid for the windows, but his wife Anna, who for the sake of brevity shall be called the “Smart One”, was so mad she didn’t sleep with Paul for four months.

Two years ago, Paul decided the best way to prevent a repeat of last year’s debacle would be to set off his homemade bomb in his own front yard so as to minimize the damage to the neighbor’s houses. Paul blew out his own 6 foot by 9 foot plate glass window for his living room. Paul never told us how long the “Smart One” cut him off but I didn’t see him smiling until November.

Last year, Paul decided he needed some way to aborb the energy of the blast, as opposed to just using less gunpowder, so he filled a garbage can full of whipped cream and ignited the bomb inside of it. A few thoughts about the physics of this particular venture. First; whipped cream is not a compressible fluid. In spite of what you may think, whipped cream apparently acts as a fairly efficient media for the transference of kinetic energy. Two; metal garbage cans are a fairly efficient source of shrapnel when they are asked to absorb large and sudden amounts of kinetic energy conveyed through the non-compressible media of whipped cream. Third; Whipped cream travelling at 200 miles per hour is a pretty effective defoliating agent, at least to the “Smart Ones” cherry trees and prized rose bushes. Likewise, high speed whipped dairy toppings are suprisingly effective at removing paint from cars and houses. Unfortunately, none of the neighbor’s have figured out when Paul and the Smart One resumed conjugal relations, but I assumed it would have to be in the Spring.

This year, Paul has spent most of the past three weeks in his work shop so I am not sure what to expect, but I am pretty sure it will be dumber than last years blast. Most of the neighbors are betting that Paul will lose a finger or two, maybe an eye, or at least severe burns. Me, I am betting there will be nothing but a smoking crater where Paul’s workshop used to be on July 5th. You can only pound on Darwin’s door so often before he finally lets you in.

Lee

Dear Friends:

I hope while you are celebrating the Fourth of July, I hope you spend just a few seconds to reflect on the true importance of Independence Day. To me the most important thing about Independence Day is to win the neighborhood death and dismemberment pool. This year, my money is on my stupid neighbor, Paul. A bit of history, three years ago Paul began his hobby of making homemade fireworks. His theory is that most fireworks are a waste of time and money because they are just too damn small. So he built a bomb which he ignited in the middle of the street and blew out windows in three of our neighbor’s houses. He promptly paid for the windows, but his wife Anna, who for the sake of brevity shall be called the “Smart One”, was so mad she didn’t sleep with Paul for three months.

Two years ago, Paul decided the best way to prevent a repeat of last year’s debacle would be to set off his homemade bomb in his own front yard so as to minimize the damage to the neighbor’s houses. Paul blew out his own 6 foot by 9 foot plate glass window of his living room. Paul never told us how long the “Smart One” cut him off but I didn’t see him smiling until November.

Last year, Paul decided he needed some way to aborb the energy of the blast, as opposed to just using less gunpowder, so he filled a garbage can full of whipped cream and ignited the bomb inside of it. A few thoughts about the physics of this particular venture. First; whipped cream is not a compressible fluid. In spite of what you may think, whipped cream apparently acts as a fairly efficient media for the transference of kinetic energy. Two; metal garbage cans are a fairly efficient source of shrapnel when they are asked to absorb large and sudden amounts of kinetic energy conveyed through the non-compressible media of whipped cream. Third; Whipped cream travelling at 200 miles per hour is a pretty effective defoliating agent, at least to the “Smart Ones” cherry trees and prized rose bushes. Likewise, high speed whipped dairy toppings are suprisingly effective at removing paint from cars and houses. Unfortunately, none of the neighbor’s have figured out when Paul and the Smart One resumed conjugal relations, but I assumed it would have to be sometime in the Spring.

This year, Paul has spent most of the past three weeks in his work shop so I am not sure what to expect, but I am pretty sure it will be dumber than last year’s blast. Most of the neighbors are betting that Paul will lose a finger or two, maybe an eye, or at least severe burns. Me, I am betting there will be nothing but a smoking crater where Paul’s workshop used to be on July 5th. You can only pound on Darwin’s door so often before he finally lets you in.

Lee

omg!!!lee i bet you are just busting a gut to see what is next!!! i am! thanks for the laugh, man!!!!!! i can just picture that guy in my street-an old nieghbor use to do that stupid tinkering stuff! he blew up his garage with everything including the car in it!:rolleyes: roll the video camera for us please, lee! from behind one of those bombproof shields though!;)

TheDangersofsleepinginachair.wmv
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Fourth of July Postscript:

Well, Paul didn’t kill himself this year which meant I didn’t win the neighborhood death and dismemberment pool. He built an effigy of George W. Bush in a sort of pinata thing. It was actually pretty clever up to a point. He lit the fingers and they burned like Roman Candles, then the eyes lit up in red flames which really produced a Satanic feel. Paul is a lunatic left winger so I’m not sure the whole satanic image wasn’t intentional. Then George’s chest was supposed to explode showering the local children with Gummi Worms. Unfortunately, the explosion came straight out of George’s chest so it looked a whole lot like the dining room scene from the movie Alien. Also, hot explosive gases and Gummi worms created burning sugar globules that managed to light another neighbor’s bark mulch on fire. All in all, it was a pretty restrained display and no windows were broken. Anna (the smart one) was pretty pertubed by the carnage of flaming Gummi worms shooting out of the presidents chest, but most in the neighborhood figured that Paul will be back in marital bliss in a week or two.

The winner of this years death and dismemberment pool were the ones who bet on John Ellinbois’ stupid nephew who decided to take a dare from his slightly less stupid little brother and he jumped over a spark emitting cone. Apparently, hot gases shot up his pant leg, and were then funnelled by his boxers to his scrotum. The second and third degree burns to his scrotum elicited a screech from the nephew that was pretty similar to a Whistlin’ Pete except not quite as quiet. The sad news is this kid didn’t voluntarily remove himself from the gene pool. The worse news is that I could have won the neighborhood death and dismemberment pool if I would have bet on char-broiled scrotum. Oh well, there is always next year!

Lee

OUCH!!!! and sorry you lost that pool, lee. there is always next year!;)