AnonymousAugust 10, 2006 at 6:20 pm
Kumpny: Guests. “Be home on time. We’s havin’ kumpny for supper.”
Law: Police, or as Southerners pronounce it, PO-leece. “We better get outta here. That bartender’s doen called the law.”
Likker: Whiskey; either the amber kind bought in stores or the homemade white kind that federal authorities frown upon.” Does he drink? Listen, he spills more likker than most people drink.’
Mash: To press, as in the case of an elevator button. “Want me to mash yo floor for you, Ma’am?”
Muchablige: Thank you. “muchablige for the lift, mister.”
Nawthun: Anything that is not Southern. “He is a classic product of the superior Nawthun educational system.” (sarcasm)
Ovair: In that direction. ‘Where’s yo paw, son?” He’s ovair, suh.”
Phraisin: Very cold. “Shut that door. It’s phraisin in here.”
Plum: Completely. “Ah’m plum wore out.”
Retch: To grasp for. “The right feilder retch over into the stands and caught the ball.”
Saar: The opposite of sweet. “These pickles Sure are saar.”
Shovelay: A GM car. “Nobody could drive a Shovelay like Junior Johnson.”
Sinner: Exact middle of. “Have you been to the new shoppin’ sinner.”
Sugar: A kiss. “Come here and give me some sugar.”
Tarred: Fatigued. “Ah’m too tarred to go bowlin’ nonight.”
Tar Arns: A tool employed in changing wheels. “You cain’t change a tar without a tar arn.”
Uhmurkin: Someone who lives int he United States of Uhmurka. “Thomas Jefferson was a great Uhmurkin.”
War: Metal strands attached to posts to enclose domestic animals. “Be careful and don’t get stuck on that bob war.”
Whup: To beat or to strike. “OOOEEE!!! Yer mama’s gonna whup you fer sayin’ a cuss word.”
Yankee shot: A Southern child’s navel. “Momma, what’s this on mah belly?” “That’s yo Yankee Shot.” Zat: Is that. “Zat yo dawg?”
BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”
JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.”
MUNTS – noun. A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts.”
IGNERT – adjective. Not smart. See “Auburn Alumni.”
Usage: “Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!”
RANCH – noun. A tool.
Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”
ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”
FAR – noun. A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh doesn’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”
BAHS – noun. A supervisor.
Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!”
TAR – noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”
TIRE – noun. A tall monument.
Usage: “Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eifel Tire in Paris sometime.”
HOT – noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD – adverb. Not easy.
Usage: “A broken hot is hod to fix.”
RETARD – Verb. To stop working.
Usage: “My granpaw retard at age 65.”
TARRED – adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.”
RATS – noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: “We Southerners are willing to fight for our rats.” (Today’s Southern Word comes from a school teacher in America’s southern most state: Hawaii. As part of her class’s study of the “War of Northern Aggression” (known to Yankees as the “Civil War”), she showed her class the movie Gettysburg. The students wondered why the Confederacy was fighting for their “rats.” The answer, of course, is obvious: Southerners have very friendly rats … in fact, you could almost say that we have some downright civil rats.)
LOT – adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: “I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair.”
FARN – adjective. Not local.
Usage: “I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed … must be from some farn country.”
DID – adjective. Not alive.
Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”
EAR – noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: “He can’t breathe … give ’em some ear!”
BOB WAR – noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”
JU-HERE – a question.
Usage: “Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys’ coach, Jimmy Johnson, recently toured the University of Alabama?”
HAZE – a contraction.
Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah … haze ignert.”
SEED – verb, past tense.
VIEW – contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City … view?”
HEAVY DEW – phrase. A request for action.
Usage: “Kin I heavy dew me a favor?”
WARSH – verb. To clean.
SQUARSH – noun. A vegetable (also verb – to flatten).
Usage: “Warsh that squarsh, Bubba … you don’t know where its been!”
GUMMIT – Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: “Great … ANOTHER gummit shutdown!”
Cole’s Law: Thinly shredded cabbage
Ya’ll Come Back Now, Ya hear?
AnonymousAugust 17, 2006 at 4:53 pm
[FONT=Arial][SIZE=4][COLOR=red]Collards is green,
My dog’s name is Blue
And I’m so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s
And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
Which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales
But I luv you anyway.
Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry
Jist a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff”
Right out of the can.
You have some’a yore teeth,
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we’re in a crowd.
On special occasions,
When you shave under yore arms,
Well, I’m in hawg heaven,
And awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo’re there fer yore man,
To patch up life’s troubles
And fix what you can.
Yo’re as cute as a junebug
You ain’t mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
Like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life
More than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.
Yore complexion, it’s perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin’.
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin’.
Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It’s romantic that way.
Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
That’s impressive,” I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,”
They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
These won’t do.
Cause yore too special,
You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
Without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds……
IT’S A NEW TROLL’N MOTOR!![/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
AnonymousAugust 21, 2006 at 9:56 pm
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