Wish I felt it too…

June 9, 2008 at 1:33 pm

I’m Wendy and new to this forum. [My second post]. I was drawn right to this thread, yes – a wonderful idea to talk about the things you do to feel better. But at the risk of bringing anybody down, I’d like to share with you the weird stage I seem to be in. As I read all these happy things you all describe, I find myself thinking how wonderful they are, and how upsetting it is to me that I’m NOT find happiness in them right now. And to make things worse, I feel guilty that I’m not thanking God for every wonderful moment, considering where I was only months ago. Maybe some of you can identify with this…perhaps you’ve been here? Things that would normally make me happy just don’t seem worth the effort right now. I’m usually a people person, but find I don’t want to be around people at all. My thoughts are too variable and my concentration not dependable, so I don’t want to feel stupid around people. I’m in the 5th month since diagnosis. [GBS diagnosed and first infustion was 01Feb08]. I’m telling myself that this will pass. I was SO happy a couple of months ago, as I started to improve. I remember even smiling when I could lift the tea pot by myself and being thankful for everything around me. Now nothing makes me smile. I WANT to smile when I see birds building a nest, or WANT to feel the urge to get my camera out when I see a beautiful sunset but … I don’t. I’ll keep reading your “feel better” words and hopefully the magic will come back.