Oh to be an illegal alien !

    • Anonymous
      September 3, 2006 at 6:28 pm

      This really made me giggle!

      [FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
      [FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]309 Hart Senate Office Building[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
      [FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]Washington[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Tahoma][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma] DC, 20510[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/FONT]

      [FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]Dear Senator Sarbanes:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

      [FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien, and they referred me to you.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

      [FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U. S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

      Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I’m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

      Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as “in-state” tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

      Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver’s license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

      If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

      [FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]Thank you for your assistance. Your Loyal Constituent,[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

      [FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]Pete McGlaughlin[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

    • Anonymous
      September 3, 2006 at 7:50 pm

      Dear Ali:

      That is just too funny. Can I sign up too?


    • Anonymous
      September 3, 2006 at 9:40 pm


      I think there will be along line behind you 😀 .

    • Anonymous
      September 3, 2006 at 10:32 pm


      I think my head is going to explode! I’m torn between hysterical laughter and knowing that everything in the letter you posted is true!


    • Anonymous
      September 3, 2006 at 11:10 pm

      Your post was great,
      My son-in-law has the solution for the Gas crisis and the illegal alien problem all rolled up in one.
      You hire illegals to push your car, as they are cheaper than gasoline, you pay them in Peso’s and they have to go back to Mexico to spend them 2 problems solved.

    • Anonymous
      September 4, 2006 at 12:45 pm


      Love this solution! Give your son-in-law a high 5 for me.

    • Anonymous
      September 4, 2006 at 10:53 pm

      [COLOR=red]funny and sad[/COLOR]

    • Anonymous
      September 5, 2006 at 1:09 am

      Love it ali! it really hits home around my area. especially the part of using the er as the pcp—its really true-i know i use to work at a hospital and saw all the reasons for the visits. soo sad!

    • Anonymous
      September 5, 2006 at 9:57 pm


      Oh Boy do I know what you mean, just come to my neck of the woods! You dont even want me to get started on things ………