Dear Santa

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=indigo]Dear Santa,[/COLOR][/FONT][SIZE=2][FONT=Courier New]

[COLOR=navy][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=indigo]I’ve been a good mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned and cuddled mychildren on demand, visited the doctor’s office more than my doctor,sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shadetree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my listout over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with myson’s red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room betweencycles, and who knows when I’ll find anymore free time in the next 18years.[/COLOR][/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=indigo]

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache (in any color, exceptpurple, which I already have) and arms that don’t hurt or flap in thebreeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of thecandy aisle in the grocery store.

I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventhmonth of my last pregnancy.

If you’re hauling big ticket items this year I’d like fingerprintresistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; atelevision that doesn’t broadcast any programs containing talkinganimals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind thecrisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, “Yes,Mommy” to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don’tfight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up withoutthe use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting “Don’t eat inthe living room” and “Take your hands off your brother,” because myvoice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing range and can onlybe heard by the dog.

If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle forenough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, orthe luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without itbeing served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don’t mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles tobrighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declareketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to helparound the house without demanding payment as if they were the bossesof an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son sawmy feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.
Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door andcome in and dry off so you don’t catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don’t eat too many orleave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM…!

P.S. One more thing…you can cancel all my requests if you cankeep my children young enough to believe in Santa.
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