AnonymousJanuary 31, 2007 at 7:20 pm
I think the title sums it up. I just had a terrible day yesterday and am exhausted today too. I’m fighting a cold and I shouldn’t have even gone to yoga yesterday. But I had missed both classes the week before. So I went and we didn’t do too much intensive stuff BUT we did this thing where we were separating the big toe from the rest. And I had such a bad reaction to it. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t even feel uncomfortable, which I worried about because one of my constant-residuals is that I CANNOT have anything in between my toes. I can’t wear flip-flops and if I get hair or something between my toes and have to remove it, I feel queasy from the sensation of it.
Nonetheless, I basically had a flashback. Only without actually having one, if that makes any sense. I mean, I had all the symptoms of a flashback except there was no real memory attached to toe exercises. I remembered when they had me pumping my foot up and down under one of those stretchy resistance bands to build up calf muscles but it really had nothing to do with what I was doing. Still, ended up having to leave the class and go to the bathroom and bawl and calm down and then rejoin the class like fifteen minutes later.
Then I get home and am so tired I can barely even lift my head, there’s no food in the house to eat and nothing sounds good. Tim, my fiance, was exhausted too, and I’m the only one who can drive and was too tired to even drive us to food. Later we had a little tiff that takes too long to get into but suffice to say we were both right, both wrong and both just too tired to have avoided fighting when we didn’t really need to.
And so Tim takes a walk to get some food, which he didn’t want to do because it was cold and his knees were throbbing, and I end up bawling on the bed. I mean, really, body-wracking sobs of just… “I’m sooooo done with this.” You know? I mean, really, why can’t this fatigue thing be like a baton in a relay race? I think after a decade we should be allowed to hand it off to someone else, don’t you??? I was just exhausted and cranky and angry that I hadn’t been able to just sit up and say, “Well, no worry, honey. I’ll cook something.” Or at least “Honey, you’ve had a long day, let’s go to the grocery store and find some food for you.”
Tim got back from the corner store where he got a corn dog and held me until I calmed down (and then got me a peppercini to clear my sinuses up because you shouldn’t cry — especially on your back — when you have a cold…). And it’s all patched up but today isn’t much better energy wise so I’ll probably have to miss my tax class tonight because mom is using the car and so I’d have to take the bus home which requires a very small but nonethless too-arduous amount of walking.
So I guess the point of this rambling post is just “Pity party for one!” and…
Can we just look into that relay thing?
PS. Sorry for the length (and for adding to it with the PS) but one of my favorite songs, so apt for all us GBSers especially, was playing earlier and I thought you guys would appreciate it:
“Buildings and bridges are made to bend in the wind. To withstand the world, that’s what it takes. All that steel and stone are no match for the air, my friend. What doesn’t bend breaks.”
Also: “We are made to bleed, and scab and heal and bleed again. And turn every scar into a joke. We are made to fight and [bleep] and talk and fight again, and sit around and laugh until we choke.”
AnonymousFebruary 1, 2007 at 8:18 am
Yes, I think we deserve to be freed from the baton AND get some good prize money when the race is over (just before the baton is handed over to us again, Alison:D)! Sometimes I think, well I have had a fair amount of hardship, I had my share of setbacks in life, this should be enough for a lifetime. But it doesn’t seem to work that way…
Abby, thanks for sharing your misery. Maybe it sounds strange, but it made me feel better. I makes me realise I am not alone, and neither are you!
AnonymousFebruary 1, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Thank you two for responding. I just needed to vent a bit I guess. I’m always just extra drained when I’m fighting a cold which means I pretty much can do nothing all day except sit around think about what I “should” be doing. I swear that is the most dangerous word in the English language!
The good news is that my head seems to have cleared and tonight I am getting some tax prep practice in by doing a friend’s taxes for him, since he’s worried he owes money. So while it’s horrifically nerdy, at least I have that to look forward to:D
AnonymousFebruary 1, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Were you MIA for a while??? I know you, right??? So what is this fiance Tim stuff about? I am so sorry if I have gone ‘brain dead’ on remembering you and our conversations here. But if I am right, I remember lots of posts regarding dating, etc.
Am I hallucinating???
AnonymousFebruary 1, 2007 at 10:13 pm
Yeah I go MIA for periods of time. Wandering attention span and all that. So the big two pieces of news are that yes, I got engaged to a wonderful man (wedding’s not til May of 08 though) and I am shooting for a new profession. I’m studying up to be a CPA because I like fiddling with numbers and playing with tax loopholes and all that nerdy stuff. So I’m doing some friend’s taxes again this year and adding a few more clients, mostly through barter. But hopefully I can actually make a tad bit of money as we’re in credit card debt currently. Such is life, really, still it’s frustrating not to be able to earn a living. We live off disability (which basically pays the rent and for some energy meds for me because I have to fight the insurance company to get them covered) and Tim’s salary and had to make some big payments on his student loans. But things progress and we’ll pay the cards off slowly. Plus, every dollar we have to charge gets us a mile closer to the tickets to hawaii for our honeymoon 😎
And yes, it’s good to vent to people who know exactly what I mean when I say tired or exhausted. Tim’s a total sweetie but when I’m tired he still thinks I mean sleepy and offers to lie down with me for a nap or whatever. Still he’s remarkably sweet and understanding when I’m too tired to cook or do a household chore and says as far as he’s concerned it’s okay if I never pull in a salary. Okay enough gushing about the boyo. I’m off to get some Thursday night TV watching in. I’m soooo excited for the new The Office episode!!!
AnonymousFebruary 2, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Haha, just because I am engaged doesn’t mean I have much of a social life. In fact tonight I’m driving Tim over to his weekly Friday night Magic the Gathering play at a local card shop. It’s his bit of geekiness and it’s still better than Dungeons and Dragons I figure! Then I’m coming home to hang out, check over my take-home midterm that’s due Sunday and watch TV.
Chrissy, fyi, I meant him online so there’s hope yet. Granted, I went through a LOT of the proverbial frogs before finding the prince. But hey at least you get out for a drink and it’s paid for! And then you have entertaining horror stories to tell your friends. My dating kept people rolling in the aisles for months before I met Tim.
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