Blah

I think the title sums it up. I just had a terrible day yesterday and am exhausted today too. I’m fighting a cold and I shouldn’t have even gone to yoga yesterday. But I had missed both classes the week before. So I went and we didn’t do too much intensive stuff BUT we did this thing where we were separating the big toe from the rest. And I had such a bad reaction to it. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t even feel uncomfortable, which I worried about because one of my constant-residuals is that I CANNOT have anything in between my toes. I can’t wear flip-flops and if I get hair or something between my toes and have to remove it, I feel queasy from the sensation of it.

Nonetheless, I basically had a flashback. Only without actually having one, if that makes any sense. I mean, I had all the symptoms of a flashback except there was no real memory attached to toe exercises. I remembered when they had me pumping my foot up and down under one of those stretchy resistance bands to build up calf muscles but it really had nothing to do with what I was doing. Still, ended up having to leave the class and go to the bathroom and bawl and calm down and then rejoin the class like fifteen minutes later.

Then I get home and am so tired I can barely even lift my head, there’s no food in the house to eat and nothing sounds good. Tim, my fiance, was exhausted too, and I’m the only one who can drive and was too tired to even drive us to food. Later we had a little tiff that takes too long to get into but suffice to say we were both right, both wrong and both just too tired to have avoided fighting when we didn’t really need to.

And so Tim takes a walk to get some food, which he didn’t want to do because it was cold and his knees were throbbing, and I end up bawling on the bed. I mean, really, body-wracking sobs of just… “I’m sooooo done with this.” You know? I mean, really, why can’t this fatigue thing be like a baton in a relay race? I think after a decade we should be allowed to hand it off to someone else, don’t you??? I was just exhausted and cranky and angry that I hadn’t been able to just sit up and say, “Well, no worry, honey. I’ll cook something.” Or at least “Honey, you’ve had a long day, let’s go to the grocery store and find some food for you.”

Tim got back from the corner store where he got a corn dog and held me until I calmed down (and then got me a peppercini to clear my sinuses up because you shouldn’t cry — especially on your back — when you have a cold…). And it’s all patched up but today isn’t much better energy wise so I’ll probably have to miss my tax class tonight because mom is using the car and so I’d have to take the bus home which requires a very small but nonethless too-arduous amount of walking.

So I guess the point of this rambling post is just “Pity party for one!” and…

Can we just look into that relay thing?

Abby

PS. Sorry for the length (and for adding to it with the PS) but one of my favorite songs, so apt for all us GBSers especially, was playing earlier and I thought you guys would appreciate it:

“Buildings and bridges are made to bend in the wind. To withstand the world, that’s what it takes. All that steel and stone are no match for the air, my friend. What doesn’t bend breaks.”

Also: “We are made to bleed, and scab and heal and bleed again. And turn every scar into a joke. We are made to fight and [bleep] and talk and fight again, and sit around and laugh until we choke.”