September 4, 2009 at 3:42 am

I would like to add to what the others said that– you feel what you feel. It is nice to say “don’t be angry”, but virtually everyone has to go through that stage of grief sometime. Different people spend a different amount of time there. I hope that it is also clear that underneath people are also saying to you that there are ways to help to make the time in anger be more positive–to channel this anger into being a help to get through this. Depression is anger turned inward and this was also said–that it is often more beneficial to turn anger outward and use it than to lie in bed crying and feeling that nothing is ever going to go right again. Going from before to now after GBS is a huge adjustment and hard because it happens so suddenly and there is so much change all at once.
I would like to say a few other gentle words of advice to think about.
1. This has turned your husband (and foster kids?) life upside down as well and he/they likely have their own anger/issues with it. You all had a way that “worked” as a couple/family before and this “way” changed tremendously when you changed tremendously. You will have to work together to find a new way that works for both/all of you and that feels “proper”. It is sometimes, I think, even harder on people that love you when you get sick because they hate the fact that life has changed so much, but feel like they cannot say this because it is you that had the physical suffering. Foster kids have special challenges with changes in the “family”. Try, as you can, to look beyond relationships in this time still in crisis and be understanding that each person is affected individually and in the relationship, may withdraw or be more needy, and may travel in different path than you. Keep communication channels open and, as much as you can, try to speak in love and in respect for the others individual path through this time of challenges.
2. It is hard, hard, hard to deal with anything when you are terribly tired, in pain, and not sleeping well. As best you can with your doctor, try to see if any of these can be helped. This may be one of the best things to help the anger.
3. One cannot change the past. I am sure that you know this, but we all wish it so. All we can do is change the future and how we approach it and how we live with it.
4. I think that it is also harder for you than it might be for some others because your recovery has plataued and this is scarey. I have found it harder to deal with emotions when there is not progress in recovery. One thing to think about is if the IV IgG is optimal at this time for you–could more or a change in schedule help? I say this because it seemed to help and yet now you are not improving any more.
All these thought are not being negative, nor trying to tell you how to feel. We all just hope for you healing–in body, in mind, in spirit, and in relationships.
WithHope for a cure of these diseases