Gee This is a very good question!

I think, if it were me, I would call my county or state social services depts. and ASK! After all, you are the primary caretaker, tho not a ‘nurse’ or ‘home attendant’ per se, you have to qualify somehow somewhere…. Or call your state or federal congress persons regarding ADA and this issue? They have ‘people’ who deal with this stuff more than we can ever imagine, nor will they tell. I have gotten lots of help/info from these folks in the past and they are to be truly appreciated!
Understand about the ‘gotta go’ NOW thing too. It’s embarassing and disconcerting and always happens at the most impossible of times!
Also the whole needing HELP getting up and all that. You can lose so much and never really appreciate what you had until it’s not there.
OldLincoln? You are one special and super good person! Hang in there and just give your wife a hug! From me or you? I don’t care. You are both special in my estimation.
Sure hope this helps.