Jokes on my illness

I don’t know how funny this is, mostly sarcastic I think, it’s one of my pet peeves though.

I have a power wheelchair and use it to drive from my house to the supermarket, about a mile away. When shopping, I never can reach anything on the top and bottom shelves (without an awkward reach tool). Have you noticed they always seem to put the heavy items on the top and bottom shelves, in an ADA compliant (supposedly) store? So frustrating!

I have found that supermarket employees, even those stocking the shelves near me or manning the surveillance cameras on every aisle, won’t go out of their way to help me, or even ask if I need help (well, on RARE occasions). Shopping is one of those experiences those of us with CIDP related disabilities must tolerate if we wish to eat lol!

So, I usually wait until a kind neighbor walks by and politely ask them to get the item for me. Most try to help as soon as they see me trying to grab something out of my reach. I always shower them with praises for their help!

When checking out after shopping, the clerk typically asks me, “Do you need help out?”. Depending on my mood and my experience trying to get things from their shelves, I may say ‘yeah, I need help outa this life’ or ‘can you drive me home’ or ‘can you hang the bags on my wheelchair so I won’t tip over’. Sometimes, in a foul mood, I respond with ’what do you propose’ which usually gets a blank stare and/or a stuttering, apologetic response lol.

OK, all this is fun for me, but probably not for store clerks. I bet others here in the forums can associate though, and I hope they get a kick out of my sarcastic humor!

This is one of those where you might had to have been there to find it funny… BUT…. I was in the shower one morning and was having what I call a bad ‘leg’ day. It’s when my legs aren’t listening to my brain and my balance is really bad.

Anyways, as I stated I was in the shower and was trying to turn around. When I turn around in the shower, I have to hug the wall and turn very, very slowly so I don’t fall. I sort of slipped a little (without falling) and my wife heard it and asked if I was okay. I said, “Yes, I am fine…but I turn slower than a rotisserie chicken”! 🙂 We both started laughing a lot. A good laugh took the frustration away.

Hi Jim-LA. You post on here quite frequently and often help others, including me with questions (thank you!). You’re obviously tech-savvy, so have you tried online grocery ordering? Our local store allows us to order online, and then pick up curb-side. When I’ve had relative mobility problems, I’ve done that on occasion. They also can deliver. Just a thought — hope you don’t mind the unsolicited suggestion.

Thanks for the suggestion B! I have two markets within wheeling distance of me (Von’s and Smart & Final). One offers delivery if the value is $49+ and I order before 8:30AM. The other store offers delivery through Instacart or Google Express, both charge a fee for delivery and have deadlines. I guess where I live isn’t as progressive as where you live. What super markets offer the service in Denver?

Anyhow, I kinda enjoy going into the store and being grumpy with em. Especially when I’m blocked by their aisle displays sitting right in front of the item I want to purchase (blocking me from reaching ANY shelf) and finding things on the top and bottom shelves beyond my reach. I guess I need one of those electric chairs that elevate or stand me up.

King Soopers (Kroger) has Clicklist which is $5 and I get all of the sale prices and frequent shopper discounts. Instacart is more pricey and their selection is limited. Clicklist has your in store shopping history, so I can quickly order the exact products I buy frequently without having to sort through the product data.

I often tell people, when asking directions to the elevator and driving my electric wheelchair, that using stairs or the escalator would be cause to ‘VOID MY WARRANTY’. It usually gets, at first an inquisitive look, followed by a knowing smile which I return good naturedly.

I like to shock too. Your story about telling folks you were mauled by wild animals reminds me of when NY had paper drivers’ liscences. I put mine through the washer more than once, and would have to go down to Motor Vehicles to get a new one. the people who work there were the most humorless people you’ve ever seen. Once, when the woman asked me what had happened to my liscence, I told her that I worked at the Niagara Falls Aquarium, and for a joke, my co workers threw me into the shark tank. the woman just nodded.

Hey Jim. I have one of those chairs that stand up. Pretty helpful but costly. It can help with reach but you have to have a knee brace on. If you forget it your screwed but it also helps with weight baring exersize.

Anyway. Here’s a funny one. Or kind of anyway. Before my GBS thing… I opened a door to a building for an older gent in abouts his 80s on a scooter. He said as he looked up with a smile and rode in,,, “When I get upstairs I’m gonna help you down here some day”.

I like to say “my nerves are getting on my nerves” I have been thinking about print out a brief summary of what GBS is so I don’t have to explain myself all the time. I had to explain it twice today!

This joke doesn’t have to do with my CIDP, but it’s something I’ve enjoyed saying, and REALLY enjoyed watching peoples reactions, for about 20 years. Several years ago I had a Melanoma removed from my left upper chest, 3″ or so below the collar bone. It left a 2-1/2″ long x 1/2″ wide scar. When people have seen me shirtless, and have asked, I don’t go with the boring, Melanoma story. Instead I go for the heroic, tough guy approach…..”That? Awww, I got that in a bar fight”. Love to watch their faces when I add, “you shoulda seen the other guy”.
Buzz