Dealing with the anger

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

doug

It is not uncommon for caregivers and even patients to be as angry as you are at all this crap! I know i was and even now 26 years later I can vent with this best of them….Feel Free to get it all out.

Hi Erin,

It’s quite normal for caregivers to be angry as well as the patients because of the uncertainty of what life holds for all involved.

Venting is good, it always made me feel better after I got done with my rantings and ravings.

GBS is unfair. I will keep you and your Dad in my prayers.

You’ve come to the right place to vent. We understand. *{hugs}*

Erin,

We definetely understand, so vent away. If there is anything we can do, just ask.

Jerimy

Yes, anger is a normal response that many of us have. Your father doesn’t deserve this, and no wonder you feel anger at “fate” for handing him yet another challenge.

I’ve found that it works better for me to turn the energy devoted to anger into determination. Everyone handles things differently, but please always know that you are free to vent here.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your father.

Suzanne

I think caregivers are a gift from God and, in so many ways, our illnesses are sometimes more difficult for them than for us.

As for me personally, venting here helps tremendoubly but greatest assistance has come from psychotherapist with extensive training in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I have been seeing her for several years and also attend a weekly PTSD group.

Many of us also take anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds and, coupled with talk therapy, this might be the best combination of all.

One of the highlights of my life took place during my two years in a nursing home. About six months into my time there, one of the nuns asked me to the Responsorial Psalm at Sunday Mass. It was a gift to God from all of the other patients, especially those who could not communicate or get around.

Regards,
Marge

yes erin. anger is very normal for caregivers; as well as fear, frustration, anxiety, depression, etc. i remember when i was in the hospital before my second spinal tap prior to being diagnosed, i told my husband; “i wouldn’t blame you if you want to divorce me and get on with your life because you didn’t bargain for this when you married me”. he told me, “you ARE my life” and he crawled in the bed with me and just held me. my husband (caregiver) has had to feed me, bathe me, dress me and even deal with that time of the month for me. so whatever feelings you’re going through are perfectly normal and you are entitled to feel every emotion imaginable. my prayers are with you both.

God bless your husband, Deb. He is a treasure.

Regards,
Marge

thank you. he’s one in a million!!

O! Dear Deb, My hundreds of salutes to your husband.

It is natural that the spouse to take care of one’s better half. But considering that the women have more patience by nature to take care of others and the men do not, your hubby’s role as care taker is very laudable.

I am too grateful to my wife and daughter for their support to me in every situation. I even cannot think what will happen without them. Even the thought of parting away from my daughter (after her marriage) is very painful to me.

Erin, you are right: it just isn’t fair! You try to turn your feelings into something positive and constructive, you try to be there for your dad, you pick yourself up everytime there is a setback, but sometimes it also helps to see it as it is: not fair. But you are right about something else as well: you are not alone! We are here. Hang in there.

My prayers are with you. It is a terrible thing to deal with and it is a very scary time of uncertinty hoping things will get better and told that most people do, but not knowing your own fate (or that of someone you love) is difficult. We have all been there weather going through GBS ourselves or caring for a loved one.

Anything you want to talk about, dont hesitate. If you want to vent we are all here for you.

I have CIDP and my wife is threatening to leave me because of my anger outbursts. Never violent. Just over reacting to small things when I’m feeling badly or scared. She says my behavior is just an excuse. I’m still walking but it is now in my arms and hands. It is insidious. I volunteered to go to therapy and counseling but still every now and then you come apart. I tell her it is not an excuse. I just try to make her understand. I apologize profusely but she says it can’t happen ever again.

I’m scared to death of being alone. Unless you have lived it you don’t know the pain, fear, anxiety, and yes the anger you feel.

Am I wrong to feel sometimes it’s not justified, but it will happen. Now that she has drawn the line it makes life even more stressel worried I will make a mistake.

Please let me know. Thank you and God bless.

Anger or irritability is fairly common for many of us suffering from this debilitating disease CIDP. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent is more common amongst men. Our tolerance level becomes low, our temper short, and everything and everyone gets on our nerves when we are feeling our health slip away and can’t stop it quickly enough.

This was I following the onset of my GBS/CIDP/MFS in 2008. I was paralyzed, couldn’t help myself, could see well, couldn’t talk well, couldn’t stand or walk, and couldn’t feed myself. I felt my life was coming to an end and I wanted to help end it. But I couldn’t pull a trigger and even press keys on a cell phone or TV remote lol. It was a terrible time in my life. I experienced many anger spells, along with deep depression over my worsening condition and why the treatments didn’t fix me NOW.

I had a mild case of depression. My Doctor urged me to take an anti-depressant to help me through this stage. I took it for just shy of a year, long enough for me to regain some of my functions and rebuild a more positive outlook about my future. It did help reduce my feelings of anger and depression.

Perhaps you should talk with your Doctor and explore using a mild anti-depressant. Some examples along with possible side affects are listed here:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/antidepressants/art-20046273

You and your wife may both benefit from some of the educational materials found here:
http://www.maritalhealing.com/conflicts/angryspouse.php

Hang in there, it gets better!

Hi catdawgs,

I’ve recently started this book called ‘Mind Over Mood’ Second Edition by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky that I’m finding extremely helpful in dealing with all the emotions that come with GBS/CIDP such as but not limited to depression, anxiety, sadness, and anger. It’s been such an insightful book of growth and self-awareness and may be useful to you. We are all here rooting for you. It’s certainly a very difficult situation for everyone involved and we usually lash out most around those we feel closest to. Prayers that you find healing.

I am one of those “fortunate people” who gain weight on antidepressants. Well before the GBS I tried them twice for severe, life-long insomnia and gained weight both times. So the NPs decided to put me on them again for insomnia*, but this time I was needing a wheelchair…not a lot of exercise to do when the legs don’t work. I ballooned up to 199# on my normal 125# frame. I tapered myself off of them and have stopped gaining, but I only have so much energy to do everything else plus work extra hard to lose…
* NP didn’t seem to like me much. When she told me about the prescription she said, “You got a problem with that?” Yes, I had a problem with her attitude. And I knew the prescription wasn’t good, but I had the severe brain fog and didn’t remember my previous experiences with the meds until it was too late.
Anyway, I’m not terribly angry about the GBS- I like to be busy, and I’ve got lots to do, so I keep learning and doing. What I am angry about is the weight gain. Extra work, effect on energy, wasting precious disability money on bigger clothes, the stupidity of it (NP told me I could stop gaining weight…as if I was trying to get fat!),… But it is my self-perception: I’ve worked so hard to recover as well as I have, but I look like I don’t care about myself because I’m big.
…but spring is nearly here and I’m another year “better” and I have good shoes…

The weight gain is pretty darn frustrating! I blame mine on the Prednisone and being confined to a wheelchair. When my insurance would no longer pay for an SNF, I had no choice but to hire a team of caregivers and try my best to live at home. At home I ballooned to 170 in less than a year! The hard part was taking off the weight. That took almost a year and a half to get down to 165, normal for my height. Now I have all these relatively new clothes I cant wear lol.

Catdawgs, it should not be all on you. Your wife should be there for you in sickness and health. I sympathize, but I don’t know what to do about it.

There are always people in a worse situation. I visit someone in a nursing home who has MS. He will never get better and his wife left him, taking their children far away so that he never sees them. Somehow, he always seems in good spirits when I see him.

Ooops, my bad typo! My weight gain took me to 270, not 170.