This Yr has been nothing but bad luck for me !
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November 2, 2007 at 11:39 pm
[I][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=magenta]Well this yr just hasn’t been very good for me, last wk my car got slammed into by a hit & run driver. Tore up my car the jerk had a license plate off another vehicle on his van. So I just wound up with nothing on that one. As everyone knows I lost Debra on July 27th, I still get so upset I just cry one time after another. Maybe I just can’t accept the fact that she’s gone, the stupid state of Ky is still doing toxocology testing. [/COLOR][/FONT][/I]
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[I][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=magenta]I have never gotten a death certificate to show what, caused her death. It’s been 3 mnths I don’t think those idiots know what their doing. I’ve been hit by severe arthritis pain, that was set off by all that rain we had last wk. I just totally stay miserable, well today I took my 85 yr old mom to the grocery. I walked in to the store they had music playing, then 1 song came on & it is one that literally makes me cry everytime I hear it. [/COLOR][/FONT][/I]
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[I][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=magenta] It is from Tim McGraw titled Don’t Take the Girl, that was all it took I got upset & started crying. I managed to get into the vacant aisles, away from the other customers. I didn’t want someone seeing me & looking at me like they’d thought I’d completely lost it. That happened to me once at another store, an older lady wanted to know what was wrong. When I told her she just acted like I was stupid or something, well the song finally stopped & I finally was able to go on through the store. I thought losing Debra was going to get easier to deal with, but it’s still as hard to deal with now as it was the day I lost her. [/COLOR][/FONT][/I]
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[I][FONT=Book Antiqua][COLOR=magenta]Like I was saying this yr has been nothing but bad luck for me. Now I have another upcoming thing to deal with that’s November 19th the day of our 30th anniversary. This may be the hardest day I’ve had to deal with yet.[/COLOR][/FONT][/I] -
November 2, 2007 at 11:51 pm
I just wish there was something I could say that would make the loss of your wife a little easier. I haven’t been there & can’t possibly imagine losing my husband of 33 years (together over 35.) But when I do read your posts you remind me of why I daily battle the disability CIDP left me with, as well as the pain & fatigue I will always have.
It is because I know that my husband, children, grandson, mother, siblings, & friends still value me & want me here with them. For reminding me of that, my dear friend, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If nothing else you help those of us who may not wan to face another terrible day of why we do go on…
Blessings, Pam -
November 3, 2007 at 8:04 am
I am like you that I have a song that always makes me cry. It was played at my sister’s funeral who died when we were children. It is the only song that literally makes me cry, but every time I hear it I cry. I used to be embarassed about this, but over the years, I have come to see that the intense emotion attached to that song was one way of keying into the feeling of deep love that I had for her and now think of it as a way to honor her.
Maybe this concept can help you a little bit in a different way on November 19. Since you know this is going to be a hard day, perhaps you can help by thinking of it as a day to honor your love for Debra and the light that she brought to the world rather than feeling like you are drowning in the terrible sadness of not having her with you any more. A lot of families I work with who have lost children to cancer get through “anniversary days” better this way. It is hardest the first year after the death of someone you love deeply. Consider doing something special that you used to do with her with pleasant memories that you could approach with the mindset that this is an acknowledgement of the person she was and STILL is in your heart and will remain so. Maybe it will help.
This family will be thinking of you.
With Hope for cure of these diseases. [U][/U] -
November 3, 2007 at 11:58 am
Terry,
I know how hard this is for you, it’s only been 3 months and you’re still in the grieving process. Please do believe me it will get better in time. You will still cry but not as often as you are doing now. You will always miss Debra make no mistake about that.Some days are worse then others and there always will be something to trigger our tears for our beloveds. Time does heal us Terry. I can now look at Frank’s pictures and not cry to much anymore. I smile and think about how wonderful those 36 years we had together were. You will do the same one day. It will be 2 yrs on Christmas Day that he left this earth and I know I will cry on that morning, then I’ll pull myself together for my sons, grandson and my daughters-in-law and we will celebrate Frank’s life as we did last Christmas Day. We all took turns saying something about him and then we toasted his 58 yrs of life. He was my love, my friend, my everything, just as Debra was to you.
I know Debra and Frank are smiling down on us and that they want us to move forward and have peace in our lives. They were blessings in our lives that’s for sure.
I am hoping the Peace of God surrounds you Terry.
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