Pet Stories/Jokes

    • Anonymous
      December 8, 2007 at 9:06 am

      A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.
      The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
      Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

      John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by
      consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music
      and anything else he could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.

      Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot
      yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

      For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

      The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

      John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
      As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, when the bird continued,
      “May I ask what the turkey did?”

    • Anonymous
      December 8, 2007 at 9:36 am

      To funny ~ thanks 😀

    • Anonymous
      December 8, 2007 at 10:26 am

      Oh I did not see the one coming! Made me LOL!

      [B]Purchasing a new bird[/B]

      After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment.

      This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.

      The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported “Goony bird” and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, “Goony bird! The table!”

      Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, “Goony bird! The shelf!”

      Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

      “Wow!” said the wife, “If this doesn’t attract my husband’s attention, nothing will!” So she bought the bird and took it home.

      When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. “Honey!” she exclaimed, “I’ve got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!”

      The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, “Goony Bird, my foot!”

    • Anonymous
      December 12, 2007 at 8:47 am

      A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.”

      “Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can’t believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!”

      “No, no,” pleaded the dog. “Please don’t! If he finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone as well!”