Jamie’s New Journey

shirley, dawn, norb,

thanks for your kind words;)

to answer your questions…

i live in saint louis right now and will likely to moving to the greater lansing area before winter.

kai-he is doing amazingly well! he is getting soooo big, babbling, sitting up in his walker, etc. he weighs 13 lbs now and is in the 90th and 95th percentiles for his height and weight. that means that 90% of babies his age are shorter than him and 95% weigh less than him. his eyes are still this weird blue/green/brown color, so we dont know what color they are really going to be. maybe hazel like mine? his skin is turning a darker tan color. he is looking more and more like his daddy every day! he is a good baby-only cries if hes hungry or bored. couldnt ask for a sweeter or healthier little boy!

hope all of you are doing well. norb, wondering what kind of mischief youve been up to in the tavern lately! i dont go there much cuz im totally out of the loop when i do. i never have a clue what in the world is going on with you and your crazy friends over there:D

take care of yourselves! glad kevie had some good news! adios amigos!

jan,

you are always so sweet to me! youre a good girl! thanks for always being there for me, and emma, too.

its now monday morning and my tummy has butterflies cuz im thinking i ll be getting a phone call today from human resources. i will have to be bargaining with them over my wage. between us – the manager encouraged me to because he thinks they may start me out as a level 5 if i do some bargaining. it pays $2 more than level 4, what they are probably gonna offer to start. the poor manager is stressing like crazy! he said he got in trouble cuz he had this big “creep factor” so he never called him back. happy to know he isnt looking for just a body to fill the position. he actually cares. my boss is gonna be a really, really good guy!

thanks linda! youre awesome!

yeah, im nervous about him contacting my references, although im sure they will say only good things about me. i have personal references and manager references. always gotta be a little nervous when they talk to your managers, especially when i was off on fmla for so long. thats the only thing that could hurt me, but i explained that to the manager who interviewed me and told him how healthy i am now. he understood and didnt seem the least bit worried about it.

nervous about the bargaining issue. im not that type of person – not good at that stuff.

nervous about moving, paying for 2 houses, etc. hubby hates change, hates stress, and we’re going to be experiencing tons of both in the coming months! im sure the good will outweigh the bad, for sure. he will be 3x closer to his work when we move, so that should make him feel a lot better:) and with me not having an income for so long, im sure he’s gonna love seeing my paycheck coming in!

ctually i think i will still apply for the (forensic) sexual assault nurse examiner position, too. i think i only have to sign up for 4 days a month, then im just on-call until someone comes into the E.R. i help them and then go back home until someone else comes in. i only get paid $4 an hour while im on call, but i get $48 an hour while im on a case. even if idont get called for a case that day, that is still almost $100 bucks in my pocket just for carrying a pager around town with me. not bad, in my book;)

linda, you are so right! i will get the job where God needs me the most!

I dont think there will be an issue with this job. i really feel its gonna work out just fine. i calculated it out and realized that this new job is 4 hours more per week that my old one, and that about makes up for the pay difference right there. i can opt out of the insurance, too, which should be worth atleast a few dollars an hour. i knw at the hospital, it is a $10/hour pay raise if you choose not to have insurance. the benefits at the new job will be free, if i do take them, adn at my old work, i had to pay for them. it is looking more and more like the money will not be an issue.

as far as the sexual assault nursing, that will be an extra thing i’ll do on the side. and the pay is $48 each hour im on the case. my friend said some cases take up to 7 hours. havent calculated that, but it sounds like an awesome number to me! and it only be like 15 minutes from home. i just have to stay within one hour of the hospital when im on call. theres tons of stuff to do in lansing, so its not like im gonna have a horribly boring day just because im on call.

i really think it is something i will be great at. maybe this is TMI, but when you’ve walked in the patients shoes, you can provide much better care for them. my family doesnt know this, but ive been though what my patients will have been thru. i can help them, or atleast not make the exam as traumatic for them. as you know, it is easier when you are with someone who really knows how you feel. like psych nursing, i feel this is something God has planned for me to do. my job would be doing a physical exam, the rape kit, collecting DNA, and taking photos. how traumatic that must be for the people who have to endure it, but they are strong people just for coming in. i think its like 1 in 3 women report being raped in their lifetime. imagine how many arent reported! and ive never heard the statistic on men, but i know several males who were sexually assaulted. no one ever talks about that. i just want to help. the paycheck is just a bonus.

thank you janb! starting a new job is scary, so it eases that anxiety when we heard such compliments! thanks! it really mean a lot!!!

linda, oh my! breaks my heart to know you and your family went through (and are still affected by) such a horrible trauma. death and trauma are so difficult to deal with, and then when it happens so violently, i dont know how the families involved even start the healing process. i know there is a process we go through – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. but the thought of it in its entirety is overwhelming. and many people cant get past the anger, so that slows the healing tremendously. i pray for your family that you have found peace in your hearts and minds, and that the powers that be will take care of this trauma for you.

i know that the issue of children being assaulted will be the hardest for me. but the hardest times are also the most rewarding. knowing i have helped someone and shown them true love, maybe when no one else in the world does, that is more rewarding that i can explain. for example, when my stepdad died of cancer just one week after he was diagnosed, i was a wreck. then, i went into work and one of my patients was dying of cancer, like would pass away within hours of me arriving. it was the hardest, yet most loving, shift ive ever worked. i cried my eyes out all the way home that day, cried myself to sleep, adn then cried all the way to work again. i just kept thinking to myself that i couldnt be a nurse anymore. emotionally, it was killing me. i cried all the way up the elevator, trying to suck it up, drying my eyes. when the elevator doors opened, my friend was standing there at the nurse station and she noticed i had been crying. i told her i was okay, and then she stepped to the side to show me a huge bouquet of flowers on the desk. “olga died this morning right after you left. these flowers are for you; theyre from her family”. i ran into the breakroom crying. many of the tears were for my own family, but many were also for hers.

a week later, i found a greeting card taped to my locker. it was from the top-dog nurse at our hospital. she told me how olgas family had personally come to her office, told her about me, and hand-delivered a letter to the top administrators. she enclosed the letter and i cried my eyes out again as i read it. then i realized that times like those, like olgas, were what made my job so rewarding. i remembered at that moment why i am a nurse.

i think helping assaulted children will give me the same feeling – the hurt and the love and the thanks for the opportunity to make a bit of a difference to people who are in the most traumatic times of their lives. i still have that card and the letter from olgas family. i read it the other day, and cried again. when i have hard days, i read it and remember instantly why i am a nurse.

montanasmum, good to talk to you again! it been a while, ha! hope you are doing well!

my health is absolutely wonderful! im gaining so much weight, though, bumming around the house, waiting to get back to work. If that is all i have to comlain about, though, then im doing darn good!

I start work on 10/27/08. i have an awesome shift, awesome boss, and an awesome wage. they are starting me at the very top of the pay scale! the manager told me it was impossible, that i was super lucky if they brought me in a couple below the top, since the budget is so tight. he said the top admininstrator would have to approve it, and it would be hard to justify. then they called me and offered the highest wage on their payscale, right off the bat! and the benefits are awesome, too! im so lucky! i cant wait to start, although it will be hard leaving my babies. the oldest two are in school all day, and i work the same hours as they are in school. the baby is another story, but i know i dont have much of a choice. when we move closer to work, i will be home about an hour before hubby leaves. so that will be good for the kids, too. kai may need a babysitter so his daddy can get some sleep, though. hubby doesnt get to bed til about 530 or 6am.

speaking of kai, he’s not happy with us right now, and hes telling us all about it:D his cry is so sweet:p

talk to ya later!!!

jamie

linda,

thank you for posting again. your story is so saddening and it hurts to hear it, but it also motivates me to make a difference in this world. i will continue to pray for your family.

i heard a saying today on the radio that is kind of harsh, but true. you reminded me of it, so i will share it with you. they were talking about anger, how it only hurts the person who is carrying it, not the person it is directed at. This is the saying that stuck…

“Holding anger for someone is like eating rat poison and then expecting the rat to die”.

I understand it and agree with it, but what i dont understand fully is how not to be angry in a situation like yours. i cant imagine what it must have been like at your aunts funeral. i dont knwo that i would have made the same decision about the open casket, although i absolutely understand where that decision came from. i was wondering how you felt about it, if it is okay to ask?

do you think your aunt was with you that night? seems like it, doesnt it? thta is amazing. i had a kinda similiar experience, but not nearly as important as yours.

i had always been afraid to die, and then one night i had this very vivid dream that i died a violent death. as i was dying, i could hear only absolute silence, and everything happened in slow motion. it was so peaceful, although in reality there was violence all around me. i was lying on the ground and i could start to hear only myself breathing and my heart beating, anf i felt like i was floating. my heart was beating slower and slower and my breathing did the same. my body got lighter and lighter and i started to get tunnel vision. the tunnel got more and more narrow, until i could no longer see anything, and then my breathing and heartbeat stopped. i was so relaxed and the floating feeling was awesome! then, the next thing i knew, i was looking up at my body floating in the air. i was lying on my back, and it was like a force was gently pulling me toward the sky by my chest. my arms, legs and head relaxed and weightless and hanging freely and my chest was much higher than the rest of my body. there were bright lights shining down on my from the sky and sparkles all around me. i felt so happy and comfortable, like wrapping up in your favorite down comforter in a warm, cozy bed. aahhhh…

when i woke up from my dream, i was no longer afraid to die. i went to work that day and told all my friends about my dream, and that i was no longer afraid of death. i felt so much better! i cant even explain it. it was a life-changing experience. then, when i was at work that morning, i got a phone call from my mom telling me that my grandmother had died in the middle of the night. maybe it was just a coincidence, but it helped me tremendously.