Has anyone else applied for a grant from the Ministry of Silly Walks?

    • Anonymous
      July 27, 2006 at 3:18 am

      For those of you that don’t get the title, it’s a reference to a Monty Python skit. For those of you that don’t know who Monty Python was you’ll need to requisition a Way Back Machine to find out. For those of you that don’t know what a Way Back Machine or who Monty Python was then I guess you’ll just have to use Google. 😀

      Anyway, as per the title, who else should apply for a grant? I’ve noticed that my gate has become quite silly these days. Sometimes I’m walking much the same way as Frankenstein is portrayed or perhaps a zombie might be another good analogy to use. Other times I remind myself of Quasimodo as I’m all hunched over and dragging a leg behind me. Every now and again I actually walk upright much as a human should be walking.

      Often I find myself doing my best penguin impersonation. I think that I should have been cast as The Penguin in the Batman movie. On more than a few occasions I’ve been mistaken for a drunk stumbling down the street. I’ve actually been stopped by the police twice and interrogated to make sure that I was in fact not intoxicated and presenting a danger to myself or others. They were curious as to why I couldn’t walk in a strait line, couldn’t keep both legs under my body nor could I put my feet exactly where I wanted them.

      My most recent walk is quite interesting, to me at least anyway. After I stand up and take my first steps I’m doing the “normal” walk. Then it switches to the “penguin” walk. Shortly after that I can only call it “The Thrust.”

      I’ve given it that moniker because I keep noticing that I’m rotating my pelvis forward and backward, almost exactly how a man would move during intercourse however at the same time I’m integrating the “penguin” and every now and again I’ll add the “Quasimodo” just for some variety.

      I almost feel as if I’m a marionette these days. I know what I want to do and I know where I want my body to be yet something else out there is controlling me.

      In a way, it’s kind of cool as every step is a surprise. On the other hand it’s very frustrating to lose control of your own body. I lost my mind years ago. Ask anyone. They will tell you I’m nuttier than squirrell poo, 😀 but losing my body is just crazy.

      I made my friend, Tina laugh the other day as we walked down the hallway on the way to the emergency room. I’m not too familiar w/ the term “foot drop” however I really couldn’t control my ankles or toes and was kind of clopping along and I made the comment “you know, I sound just like one of your horses walking down the street.” There is humor in everything.

      So, now that it’s past my bed time and I’ve written yet another dissertation (I promise I’ll try not to perorate much around here) I guess I’ll just get to my question; who else has a “silly walk” and would you like to share your stories? Perhaps some self deprocating humor can make us all feel better, after all nothing is better for ones health than a good laugh.

    • Anonymous
      July 27, 2006 at 12:59 pm

      [I]“I guess I’ll just get to my question; who else has a “silly walk” and would you like to share your stories?”[/I]

      I had a marvellous carer during the years I was recovering from GBS. Not only did she get me up in the morning, but she and my wife helped me learn to walk again.
      They realised the importance of my getting back into society, because I had only seen hospital staff for the previous 12 months and in my new condition I was not in a hurry to face the world. They insisted that we go out for a restaurant lunch and my carer came along to give my wife support in case there was a problem. (My wife was at that time recovering from a heart attack and could not cope with my weight on her own.)
      When we arrived I was absolutely determined to walk-in without help, something that every GBS’er will understand. On arriving at the door I stood aside to let the ladies enter first and followed them to the bar. I was feeling quietly pleased with myself for having walked 50 yards without help, but my elation was short lived.
      As I passed a very snooty woman at one of the tables she gave me a dirty look and said to her companion in a voice that was intended for me to hear,
      ” I think it is disgusting; some people don’t know when they’ve had enough to drink after they get here, it’s even worse when they come in like it!”

    • Anonymous
      July 27, 2006 at 4:25 pm

      I’m sorry, but for better or worse, I have no Silly Walks story to share, but being familiar with both Monty Pyton and the sketch in question, I have many times observed people both healthy and sober who easily could qualify for the a bove-mentioned grant. It makes me fnitter every time! But your eloquent description of your different ways of propelling yourself, Ben, really made me laugh out loud! If I were on the grant-committee, you certainly would have received a substantial amount!

      And Adrian, the “lady” at the restauant should have to pay a huge fine to the Ministry of Silly Walks!

      I think it’s more important to be of a sound mind – something this “lady” was not, than of a sound body.