Kumpny: Guests. “Be home on time. We’s havin’ kumpny for supper.”
Law: Police, or as Southerners pronounce it, PO-leece. “We better get outta here. That bartender’s doen called the law.”
Likker: Whiskey; either the amber kind bought in stores or the homemade white kind that federal authorities frown upon.” Does he drink? Listen, he spills more likker than most people drink.’
Mash: To press, as in the case of an elevator button. “Want me to mash yo floor for you, Ma’am?”
Muchablige: Thank you. “muchablige for the lift, mister.”
Nawthun: Anything that is not Southern. “He is a classic product of the superior Nawthun educational system.” (sarcasm)
Ovair: In that direction. ‘Where’s yo paw, son?” He’s ovair, suh.”
Phraisin: Very cold. “Shut that door. It’s phraisin in here.”
Plum: Completely. “Ah’m plum wore out.”
Retch: To grasp for. “The right feilder retch over into the stands and caught the ball.”
Saar: The opposite of sweet. “These pickles Sure are saar.”
Shovelay: A GM car. “Nobody could drive a Shovelay like Junior Johnson.”
Sinner: Exact middle of. “Have you been to the new shoppin’ sinner.”
Sugar: A kiss. “Come here and give me some sugar.”
Tarred: Fatigued. “Ah’m too tarred to go bowlin’ nonight.”
Tar Arns: A tool employed in changing wheels. “You cain’t change a tar without a tar arn.”
Uhmurkin: Someone who lives int he United States of Uhmurka. “Thomas Jefferson was a great Uhmurkin.”
War: Metal strands attached to posts to enclose domestic animals. “Be careful and don’t get stuck on that bob war.”
Whup: To beat or to strike. “OOOEEE!!! Yer mama’s gonna whup you fer sayin’ a cuss word.”
Yankee shot: A Southern child’s navel. “Momma, what’s this on mah belly?” “That’s yo Yankee Shot.” Zat: Is that. “Zat yo dawg?”
BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”
JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.”
MUNTS – noun. A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts.”
IGNERT – adjective. Not smart. See “Auburn Alumni.”
Usage: “Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!”
RANCH – noun. A tool.
Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”
ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”
FAR – noun. A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh doesn’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far.”
BAHS – noun. A supervisor.
Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!”
TAR – noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn’t git a flat tar in my pickup truck.”
TIRE – noun. A tall monument.
Usage: “Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eifel Tire in Paris sometime.”
HOT – noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD – adverb. Not easy.
Usage: “A broken hot is hod to fix.”
RETARD – Verb. To stop working.
Usage: “My granpaw retard at age 65.”
TARRED – adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: “I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred.”
RATS – noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: “We Southerners are willing to fight for our rats.” (Today’s Southern Word comes from a school teacher in America’s southern most state: Hawaii. As part of her class’s study of the “War of Northern Aggression” (known to Yankees as the “Civil War”), she showed her class the movie Gettysburg. The students wondered why the Confederacy was fighting for their “rats.” The answer, of course, is obvious: Southerners have very friendly rats … in fact, you could almost say that we have some downright civil rats.)
LOT – adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: “I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair.”
FARN – adjective. Not local.
Usage: “I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed … must be from some farn country.”
DID – adjective. Not alive.
Usage: “He’s did, Jim.”
EAR – noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: “He can’t breathe … give ’em some ear!”
BOB WAR – noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”
JU-HERE – a question.
Usage: “Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys’ coach, Jimmy Johnson, recently toured the University of Alabama?”
HAZE – a contraction.
Usage: “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah … haze ignert.”
SEED – verb, past tense.
VIEW – contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: “I ain’t never seed New York City … view?”
HEAVY DEW – phrase. A request for action.
Usage: “Kin I heavy dew me a favor?”
WARSH – verb. To clean.
SQUARSH – noun. A vegetable (also verb – to flatten).
Usage: “Warsh that squarsh, Bubba … you don’t know where its been!”
GUMMIT – Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: “Great … ANOTHER gummit shutdown!”
Cole’s Law: Thinly shredded cabbage
Ya’ll Come Back Now, Ya hear?