This question has brought tears to my eyes!
Why? Because due to my last relapse and fall, hospitlization, extensive surgery on a BIG leg fracture and a stint in rehab? Well, I know now that my own spouse is a true love! Always calm competent and a ‘decision’ maker on the surface? My feedback from his notifying my siblings gave a different picture.
Needless to say, at first, when I got ‘this’ I was frustrated that no one got ‘it’! Then my spouse got PN due to type-2 diabetes. And I could only say ‘I KNOW’… and give him resources I’d found on the net….to help HIM understand what’s going on w/HIM. Taking it the next step further was harder? But, we got there eventually.
Now is the time to START talking about Those things! The stressors of being married, or not; being cared for when needed, or not; and the needs to [B][I]communicate[/I][/B] effectively during first the critical times, and then-for the longer times the ‘maintenance’ times! Not to mention that at times? You can’t do half of the ‘normal’ life things most folks take for granted!
My docs periodically asks me are you stressed by this? And, my only reply is: What still sane person would NOT be stressed by ALL of this!?
IF you need individual or couple counseling is up to you.. But DO look at web sites – some are good? Some not so… to get a blueprint about stressors for you and for your spouse and then once you know how THEY are feeling at times [resentful, pity, duty, tired, plain sad?] you can use all this knowledge about how others have dealt with these awful situations more gracefully for yours! I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s not at all! BUT, if you work on communciations about how each of you are ‘feeling’ about this and that? You mite learn that the little ‘Honey Do’s?’ Are and will continue to be our own worst sins. So get it out in the air and let the AIR clean out your frustrations! You don’t always need a counselor? Tho if it’s available, it mite help a bit. It really depends on how astute the counselor is…and that’s a whole other kettle of fish!
Never EVER forget the ‘please’ and ‘thankyou’s’ Also The Gee I really appreciated you helping me with ‘X’! The P’s and T’s go w/any relationship? Also the Love yous! Now I’ve been thru the CIDP, BC, Hashimotos’ and a few other things hatching now – And, I have to say that this last, the injury w/hospital and rehab and ‘home care’? Has been the toughest! We are still together? We both try to communicate as best we can and we work towards a ‘better me’ to live with! I hope you too can work to re-define yourself and your family and life. This stuff does seem to require ‘redefinition’! It’s not as scary as it may seem – it’s merely a matter of attitude! Go for it!