This is an important thread, (thanks Elmo!!)
I appreciate this thread because I’m sure there are many of us dealing with these issues without the aid of a therapist or even friends and family that understand!
I had GBS in 04, recovered and now have been dealing with a relapse that’s worse and not going away since July 09. The guilt I feel about being sick is almost unbareable!!
I’m 45 and have been a full time entertainer for most of my life. I sing with a band and I’m a magician’s assistant, (my husband is the magician.) My work with the band and with my husband is very physical and I CONSTANTLY worry about not being able to keep up….and then what!:eek: Right now I’m the main bread winner……and I have to rest all week just to get through the weekend gigs! Now we’re going into busy season and there won’t be many days off between the band and magic shows….oh no!! There’s also a lot of behind the scenes work when your self employed and I’ve been letting a lot of that slide.
My husband and I have been together for 19 years and are very much in love and he has been very supportive through this whole thing. However, I worry about how long that will last. We have always been a team in work and life, (we’re together 24/7) I used to be physically active, (worked out everyday, kayaking, etc….) and I don’t know what will happen if I can’t keep up. I feel sooo guilty because I’ve always been able to handle everything, do it all and keep on smiling but it’s getting harder. I know I should stop stressing and think about my health but how do you do that when people are relying on you??
I even gave my husband the option to leave me if this turns out to be something that isn’t going away but he said he’d never do that. That makes me feel great but I also realize that we are still business partners as well….and he needs an energetic assistant! He could get another girl but he’ll have to pay her and work is rough right now….and will I loose him to another girl? I know he loves me but our life has always been about being partners in work and play!
Also, what will happen if I can’t keep up with the band? That’s our bread & butter money and even though I’m one of the full time girls….I could still be replaced and I live in Florida where there are NO JOBS!! Unfortunately, neither of us is really qualified for anything else that would pay the bills.:o
I really miss who I used to be and sometimes the depression, stress and guilt get’s to be too much and I feel like if this is my future, I may as well give up!! (Don’t worry….I don’t see myself “checking out” quite yet!);) I’m still new to this and in diagnostic limbo so it’s the frustration talking!!
Anyway, I appreciate this thread! I don’t really have anyone to talk to about all this and it does help to get it out….even if it’s just on this forum.
Thanks Elmo….great thread….and I TRUELY hope and pray things work out for you!!:)