Some dissappointments

June 20, 2008 at 5:28 pm

Monday came around and the brace guy never came to see me, so I called on Tuesday and they told me I needed to talk to physio. I found out that he had talked to physio on Monday and they talked him out of giving me the brace because they said that they did not see me walking full time in the future. Well that was no surprise to me about the walking full time as my energy levels are low and even before this last bout with paralysis I could only really make it tops 30 minutes of walking with a walker and having to use a zimmer brace for my knee as my knee was turning inward. This might of been due to my knee problems though and add the GBS to that it makes things harder. They also said because I had some muscle activation in my upper legs that I might not need the brace at all but they also did say that down the line I might need the brace but they did not think I should have it right now. I am frustrated as they are trying to determine when I should get better as apposed to giving me the chance to improve myself on my own time. I fit the criteria for the brace and they had no rights to talk the guy out of it. I am frustrated because I feel like all the work I did was for nothing even though I know thats not true it just feels like my hope to get better they are trying to smash into smitherines. I am trying to keep optomistic but it is getting increasingly harder as the longer I’m in this damn hospital the more I am getting more and more emotional and cry more and more often. It is like my resilience is waining and it is harder to stay hopeful and keep dealing with hospital life of waiting for stupid doctors and proffessionals you have to see and there is just no real outlet to let things really out as the nurses don’t like you showing any kind of emotion around them other wise they say you are letting it out on them and that you are not being very nice. I try to leave the unit to go outside andyou still can’t really show much of your frustration even there. I hate being here the more I am here the more I need to just get out of here.

Well hope you are all doing well.