Right now I’m willing to try anything!

August 18, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Right now I’m willing to try anything! Yes it can lead to depression. I have been very depressed these past few months after my surgery. Worst part with me was getting surgery because I had 3 bad disk in my spine and right after that surgery….except for being slow and sore, I was getting hope again and felt pretty darn good. I suffered with a back injury after getting backed into in a parking lot by an SUV and they told me it was soft tissue injury. Got fed up with the doctor because he was not listening to me and went to another doctor. They did CT Mylegram and found 3 bad disk. So they did surgery on May 14. 2008. 3rd week, I got really fatigued. Cancer feeling fatigue and the next week my nervous system went totally crazy. Parkinson type tremors in my hands and arms and shoulders. Carpul tunnel pain began and my legs and hands were on fire. Ever since that happened the fire pain has not stopped. And then the nerves in my body feels like I have a vibrator inside my body doing a buzzing and vibrating thing. And then I get this bee sting kind of pain! I think that is when a nerve blows it’s light bulb causing a really nasty sting.
After my surgery, I was all excited about finally getting better and having my life back. Never realizing that the surgery was going to trigger this mess! Of course I did not know what CIDP was either. Been in my house 2 years staring at walls from the back injury to get all excited and think I’m going to get better and then don’t! Actually am worse now than before the surgery. I will be honest with you all! The depression after that kicked in and I have been severely depressed.
I felt like I opened Pandora’s Box. Every now and then I sit there in my bedroom and start thinking.. Do I really want to live this way? Suicidal thoughts! I try to fight those thoughts and put my mind on something else. And I try to fight the depression. It’s a clinical depression is what it’s called. Meaning we are not Bi Polar or have any kind of Mental Illness. Our depression is set off because we are sick with CIDP. In my case Systemic Lupus and CIDP. Anybody that is chronically ill can go through this type of depression. Seeing someone is a good idea if it will help. Medications that help depression sometimes help. Just depends on how severe your depression gets. Ohh! Some medications can also cause depression, so double check your meds and if you see depression is listed and then let your doctor know. They may have to change your meds because some meds can cause a person to get suicidal thoughts or severe depression.
You know! I wished I was a scientist I would devote every hour I had trying to find us all a miracle cure! None of us need to go through this. I am praying my CIDP can be given IVIG’s or Plasmaphersis and hope it’s soon. Some of us get lucky and get diagnosed quickly while others sit in limbo waiting to get diagnosed. This Limbo stuff is not fun! I pray we all get well and I pray for a cure to end this mess!