Plan on being here often

June 5, 2008 at 10:36 pm


Thanks for your response. I wish you wouldn’t have to feel the same way i do, but it does feel good to know im not alone.

This illness almost landed me in a divorce (before it became obvious that i was insanely ill). My husband is a wonderful, hard-working man, but his communication skills are terrible. You know how you get that awkward tension in the house, like you hate one another, but you have no idea why? That is what we went through, and we ended up seperating, although just for one week. I had no idea what his problem was.

It ended up that he was irritated that i wasn’t keeping up on the house, and that i slept alot. I would tell him every day, “I think I’m gonna do this, and this, and this”, and then i wouldn’t get anything done. Then, when he got home, I’d tell him how i planned on doing so much, but couldn’t manage to get anything done. He worked twice as much as me (and i worked full-time) and he was sick of hearing it, although he never complained, not even once. All of this came out in counseling, and we are wonderful now, but deep down, i still worry about that issue.

I still feel the need to explain myself, but he asks me not to. He says, “You don’t have to tell me. The way i see it is, if you can clean, then you will. You will do what you are able to do”. But, he is one of those people who shows and feels love through “doing”, and he takes great pride in what i can DO, not what i say, or by touch, etc. He would always tell his friends and coworkers, “Jamie can do this and that…”, but I can’t DO much anymore, so it scares me a little, especially when it seems like my family is becoming desensitized to the seriousness of my illness.