Less Depression in Numbers

May 28, 2006 at 10:21 pm

I am recovering from GBS in 10/05 and then a relapse in 1/06. My neuro said that I don’t have CIDP and must be one of those very lucky people to relapse a few months after the onset. It put me back several months in recovery. I am coming to terms with having depression also. It is sad to hear well wishers say, ” You look good.” when you put on a brave front all the time so you are not poosing friends by complaining about how awful you feel. My husband silently listens to my complaints without getting tired of listening, but I curb my complaints and my fear that I most likely will never be able to do all of the things that I love and have the stamina to take my son for a bike ride, or go skiing. I was about to go back to school for teaching certification, but I don’t have the stamina yet and I take pain pills to get through the day, so now we are financailly behind the eight ball, but of course, I can’t qualify for Soc Sec or disability since I was just about to embark on a certification program to teach and wasn’t yet working. Since I am not even a full year into this illness, first time events still make me cry, such as today, putting on a pair of shorts for the first time of the season and thinking to myslef that the last time I wore these shorts, I was healthy and could physically do anything that I could do the year prior – not that way anymore. My neuro also refused to give me anything stronger for pain than tramadol – which only takes the edge off and doesn’t mask the pain to help me get through a busy day. I am also sad to see that my muscle tone is wasting away, I am trying to do a little exercise, but it’s just like tapping into my batteries and I am that much more in pain at the end of the day. I was going to ask about anti-depressants, but I thought they have weight gain issues and since my life is pretty sedentary, I thought I would be sadder if i became pudgy. I am so thankful for this support group, I feel less alone knowing that there are so many others out there who know what the pain feels like and it doesn’t need any descriptions – which never can quite explain what the pain really feels like unless you have experienced it.

I am glad the site is up again. It is a shame that the history has been lost as a search tool, but we are still able to listen and advise each other.