I sure know that suffering

August 4, 2008 at 11:00 pm

Ohh dear! You sound just like me back in the 90’s when I first got sick with Systemic Lupus and had developed Neurapathy tearing up my motor nerves. It was a struggle. And very depressing, I even got so depressed that I tried an overdose of pills. I really did not want to live like that anymore. Makes me cry reading this posting because I know how it felt for me.
A strong word of envcouragement! Don’t give up! What ever you do! Don’t give up! I got totally bedrdden and told my husband to buy me some craft stuff. A glue gun and just got ideas in my head! I would watch those craft shows and started resting in bed back then watching TV and doing small crafts with my hands. Easy stuff that was not hard to do. Something a child could do but here I was an adult.
I had gone as far as I could go as far as depression would go. Felt like my world was ending before my eyes. I had my children to worry about too and did not want to see them without a mother.
I know we all have different religions and have our own ways of praying. I am Catholic. Everynight I would pray to God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary. I would envision her in my mind and I would close my eyes and try to calm myself down. I had heard all these miracles about the Virgin Mary and asked her to come into my body and soul and relieve my pain. Trying to relax at the same time using my mind of matter. Strange thing would happen for I could almost feel the presence their and holding my hand.
5 years I prayed every single night. And then some nights I would get angry because my higher power was not listening to me. But I did get some sense of relief feeling that presence. Each day getting sicker and sicker with no doctor helping me out. And then I was getting angry with those doctors and felt like they were stupid and had no knowledge at all about illness! Boy was I angry.
I was so tired of crying to my family and telling them that I was dying. I felt myself dying and knew if something was not getting done soon that I would die. The weakness had taken over and I could barely fight it anymore.
Take my advice for I have been really sick for several years but have improved until a few years ago after a car accident. That brought my Lupus back adding an undiagnosed CIDP also. And yes I am at my second time of being sick. Starting to become a Pro knowing my body and it’s effects.
Use your mind over matter. Take your mind to a beautiful place. Visit a country you have never seen. Anything to take your mind off this nasty disease helps alot.
When we were children we used our imagination and created our own fantasies. When the computer came out, I told my husband I wanted one and we save our money and got one! I alway’s wanted to travel the world and when I got online, I saw Germany, France, Italy, New Zealand. And it took me to another world. I could not use my body so I used my mind.
When I made my first craft, it was ugly and looked like a two year old made it. But it gave me self esteem and a feeling that I still had some use in my body.
I made over 500 of those little pins and gave them as gifts but improved my crafting skills.I donated those pins to Cerebral Palsy and MDA Association for Christmas gifts to those that were worse to me.
The only thing I can do to help you is be your friend. You can private email me and give me your phone number if you wish. I get free nights and weekends on my cell phone.
Keep fighting and don’t give up. And take that mind over matter into account.
I lost a 30000,00 a year job back then, felt worthless and felt like I was no longer a human being. I learned to except my illness back then and I learned to except that I would not be me anymore. No more dancing, no more sports and going out living my life of dreams. But I had to think about all the things I had interest in and used that to help me get better. What I could do back then I would do and what I could not do, I excepted it and kept living.
I am too waiting for treatment again and am handling it the best I can right now.
You hang in there and you fight this off. I will keep you in my prayers. And if you need a friend. I am here! A big cyber hugs just came your way!