I feel like crying

March 1, 2009 at 9:28 am

When I read this thread, it brought back memories from when I first became ill in 2005. On Jan 1, I went to get out of a chair and I couldn’t stand. 21 days later, I was paralyzed from the throat down. Within a year, I had to quit working, I had to give up the house that I had just built, I had to give up my dogs, I couldn’t play sports, drive, fish or do anything I loved, and I couldn’t even use the college education I just completed 6 mos prior. I ended up in several nursing facilities, and my dignity was constantly being assaulted by people who thought of me as a quad rather than as a person with a physical impairment who had emotions, hopes & dreams. It definately was a time of adjustment. But now years later, I feel blessed. I’ve learned to give myself grace for not being able to do what others take for granted. I’ve learned that asking for help is just part of being a vulnerable human, a condition that most everyone will experience at some point in their life, whether from age or disease or accident. I’ve learned that the death of previous hopes & dreams is not the death of all my hopes & dreams. I’ve learned that I’m a person with a disability, not a disabled person. I’ve learned that its okay to take Lorezepam once in awhile if I need it to sleep and I’ve also learned its okay to sleep in whenever I need to because with CIDP I earn that right everyday. I’ve learned to see my world differently & it actually doesn’t look all that bad. At 42 years of age, I get to be retired, which I never thought I’d get to do until I was 67 …I’ve become more computer inclined…I learned how to invest in stocks because it stemmed off boredom…I know more about politics, history, reality tv, medicare, health advocacy, hollywood gossip, cooking, how to find coupons & bargains, green energy, religion, etc., etc., etc. because I have time to learn about it. I’ve learned that even though I can’t physically go volunteer at a site or maintain a regular work schedue, I can still volunteer, even if only a few minutes a day…a week…or a month, by writing letters, calling, researching or doing nonphysical things for causes I believe in. I’ve learned that sadness, darkness & the valleys in life have a place, but so do the mountains, the joy & the sunlight. I guess what I’m trying to say in this long winded manner is that feeling like crying is natural because the road is long & the path is challenging. However, you are more than your disease and you have much to offer.