I can so relate…

June 23, 2008 at 11:28 pm

It really sounds like you are in a position that we have been in ever since I got sick. When I was basically bedridden 6 years ago, my husband’s stepfather died (he is an only child) & we find out that his mother has pretty advanced dementia. That was 5 1/2 years ago & we managed to keep her in an apt. all of this time by doing virtually everything for her. Just a week ago we finally moved her into an Assisted Living home & now her side of the family is not speaking to us. Talk about stress! If one of them would spend just one hour with her one on one, they would realize that there is just nothing to work with. We have spent the past 10 days sorting & vacating her apt. which has been exhausting for both my husband & me.

We have also been dealing with a son who got a DUI on New Year’s Eve & lost his license for a whole year (his 2006 snowmobile was also confiscated by the state.) He has to take care of all of the IT issues for 13 clinics in our area, so guess who has been driving him? My husband, of course.
He is also currently on an electronic monitor until the 4th of July. My husband is sooo stressed out. My son also decided this was a great time to gut his bathroom, only problem is that he has no home improvement skills. Guess who is over there helping him out? Our other son is in a wheelchair & needs to be taken to the grocery store & is also having major car problems. Actually, he has always been the least of our problems most of his life.

I am also the primary support for my mother who is 83 & lives just 4 blocks away, still in her home. She decided to quit driving over a year ago, so guess who runs her to town for all of her doctor appt. & shopping? That would be me… We also drove to our daughter’s home June 5th & babysat our one year old grandson for 4 days so they could go to Las Vegas. Oh, & last Friday we had to put our cat of 15 years down; never dreamed it would be this hard.

I am not trying to vent, but I certainly know the exhaustion you are feeling, as well as feeling overwhelmed by your situation. My husband has had two back surgeries in 2005 & 2006 & almost died of appendicitis last year. Guess who was his primary caregiver for 9 months when the first surgery didn’t work? It was really a pathetic situation! I guess what I have learned is that in order to function, I need to get a lot of sleep & it does help a lot. Also, in hindsight, we should really ask others for help more often, even if we have to search outside of our home. Our housekeeper has been a godsend, as she not only cleaned for us, but also my mother-in-law & my son in a wheelchair.

I so sympathize with you. Right now I think I will go take a pill to help me get to sleep & try to get the 10-12 hours that I need… Best of luck & learn to say no when you hit the brick wall (or before that.)