For those of us left with severe residuals from GBS or CIDP, I wonder if we ever truly get over mourning the loss of who we once were, all the things we could once do & know now we can never do again. I seem to be OK during the day most of the time, but it is at night that I remember how I used to be. Sometimes I even bargain with God; just one more set of tennis, one more long walk in the evening with my husband, one more run down the ski hill. If I could just be the “old me” for one day, I think of all that I would squeeze in.
Then I look at my 26 year old who was born paralyzed from the waist down (spina bifida) & all that he has accomplished in his life, & I feel guilty. He has never known what it was like to run, or even walk normally. In a wheelchair he is a sports writer for the newspaper, yet he never got a chance to play football or baseball, his favorite two sports. Then I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself. He has taught me how to live with a disability, that I can still be a valuable person here on earth.
Anniversaries are tough, it is hard to look back on all we might have done. Today so many of us identify ourselves with what we once did for a living; those of us who have lost our jobs due to this illness mourn that loss. How I loved teaching high school English & math. But I am still valuable, you are still valuable. But as soon as I get to heaven, I want a tennis racket & some neon green balls! It is not bad to remember, but one must try to live in the present.
Well I suppose so Cap N dave,
At least you have your own… Thats always a big plus. I remember we sold our soul once to the AMVETS, to get a keyboard for this guy…Seems like no one had a job back then.. * Looks around* not much has changed round here.
Thanks for postin Cap N, I lost alot of friends when I started havin LSD flashbacks in the Tavern. I’m over that.. *cough*
I think that about sums it up. u hit both nails with one hammer.. If I could only find a karoke version of those songs. I think those would be a hit..